I don't remember my biological parents when they had me but from a very early age I was adopted. The family that adopted me abused me severely.  And I have memories of it. I've remembered it my whole life and I have physical scars from it that constantly remind me about what they did to me. It was very gruesome and cruel. Torture you might call it. And after the things they did to me I remember being in the hospital for a while around 4 years old recovering until they could find me a foster family. Once they found me a family, we met in the hospital and I went to live with them and we had to go to court because they wanted me to point out who abused me and I was scared to death. They went to prison for a while. And I lived with my new parents who brought me to church and I remember someone asking me if I wanted Jesus to save me and I said a prayer and asked Jesus to save me. And that is the beginning of my stories.

A DECENT LIFE

Soon after living with my new parents, they took in several other foster children and they never adopted them. I was the only one they adopted and eventually the other children went to a different place.  I had a decent childhood. Things were pretty mellow. I had a couple friends and I went on a vacation to Disney world in Florida.  That was fun. Things were good until I got to my teenage years and wanted to do what I wanted and I wanted freedom.

THE RUNAWAY YEARS

Well, i started running away at 13 years old because i was sick of all the rules and my father being so strict and punishing me all the time. I constantly ran away from 13 years old to 17 years old over and over again. It was very chaotic but i survived. I was to dumb and niave to know the amount of stress i put my parents through  but they always let me back in. Then when i was 18 i finally moved out legally. My father was extremely angry but there was nothing he could do to stop me. I was finally, legally out on my own and i felt like i was free from prison.

THE DRUGS AND ALCOHOL YEARS

When I was a teenager, out on my own in the world I started doing drugs and drinking alcohol. The whole reason was that I was trying to forget all my problems and block everyone out that thought I wasn't good enough and thought I was a failure.  I didn't get into heavy drugs. But God was watching over me and didn't let me get hooked. He protected me and I actually didn't like doing it very much because I didn't like not being in control of myself. I did drugs here or there in my young adult years too but eventually stopped because I didn't want to anymore. Drinkingng was the same. 

MOM DYING

My mom died of cancer. she had two rare forms of leukemia. she was severly sick and suffered for three years before she died and it was the worst emotional pain for me. i thought to myself i love her so much and she doesn't even know it. and i thought who's going to watch over me because my father was so strict that i basically had no life and he punished me a lot. after she died i was so messed up. i was an emotional train wreck. every time anyone even mentioned her i broke down crying and i would leave because i just couldn't handle it. i never got over it.

GETTING MARRIED

MY FATHER WAS NEVER HAPPY WITH ME. NOTHING WAS EVER GOOD ENOUGH. I COULDN'T HOLD A JOB, I HAD CHILDREN BEFORE I GOT MARRIED, I DIDN'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND OR HUSBAND OR HOUSE OR CAR OR MONEY. I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH OR PERFECT ENOUGH. I WAS A FAILURE THAT WOULD NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING. THAT WAS IN MY HEAD WITH HIS VOICE OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND IT WEIGHED ON ME LIKE A MOUNTAIN ON MY SHOULDERS. SO I FINALLY DECIDED OK, ILL GET MARRIED JUST TO SHUT HIM UP. I WASN'T EVEN READY BUT HE WOULD'T LEAVE ME ALONE. SO I MET THIS OLDER GUY AT MY WORK AND WE WENT OUT FOR THREE MONTHS AND I SAW WHO HE REALLY WAS AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT BUT I SAID, OH WELL. SO AFTER THREE MONTHS WE GOT MARRIED AND I GOT PREGNANT WITH MY SECOND CHILD AT THE SAME TIME. ANYWAY, I MARRIED THE GUY AND I QUICKLY FOUND OUT WHAT KIND OF PERSON HE REALLY WAS AND I SAID, OH WONDERFUL, NOW IM STUCK WITH HIM, BECAUSE I DON'T BELIEVE IN DIVORCE. IT SAYS IN THE KJV BIBLE THAT GOD DOESN'T LIKE DIVORCE. SO I STUCK IT OUT AND SUFFERED...A LOT. TO SIMPLIFY IT FOR NOW, I GAVE HIM THREE YEARS AND WENT THROUGH STUFF THAT WAS JUST NOT OKAY AND NOT NORMAL FOR SOMEONE TO GO THROUGH. AND AFTER PRAYING ABOUT IT FOR A LONG TIME, GOD SAID OKAY, LEAVE HIM AND GET A DIVORCE, DON'T ASK THE COURT FOR ANYTHING EXCEPT A DIVORCE. SO I DID.  I DECIDED TO NEVER BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE HIM EVER AGAIN. AND I DECIDED TO NEVER GET MARRIED AGAIN.

MY CHILDREN

I HAD TWO CHILDREN, A GIRL AND A BOY. I LOVED THEM SO MUCH i had them with me until around four years old. then my own so-called father and his family and friends and my daughter's father and his family and friends all turned against me and took away my children and ripped me apart and ripped the life right out of me and broke my heart into a million pieces. i was traumatized for the rest of my life. the only thing i was good at and knew how to do was be a mother and love them deeply and take care of them and play with them and most of all...give them a calm, quiet, simple, peaceful life. but that wasn't good enough for all those people. i was broken inside out and didn't know what to do with myself . i couldn't function normal anymore.

JESUS WAY OUT

After everything I started praying even more all the time . I prayed for him to save me and heal me and take the pain away and make it stop. I read the King James Version bible from beginning to end.  Jesus offered me a way out and started talking to me all the time and showed me how much those people hurt him and made him angry by what they did to me. And he said, let it go and forgive them. I will handle it. And then I started hearing God telling me to know him more. So I did I kept praying and reading the KJV BIBLE  everyday and every night.